♥♥♥ Straight from the HEART ♥♥♥

 
I watched the Wedding Singer last night. One of my favorite movie. It's a feel good movie and really funny. I was laughing until I heard this song again.

You don't know how much I need you.
While you're around I don't feel blue.
And when we kiss I know that you need me too.
I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true.

But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddam joke.
And when I think of you and I,
I hope you fucking choke.

I hope you're glad with what you've done to me.
I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy.
You left me here all alone, tears running constantly.

Oh somebody kill me please,
somebody kill me please,
I'm on my knees,
pretty pretty please kill me.

I want to die.
Put a bullet in my head.

I was once in this situation, wanting to kill myself because of frustrations. It was depressing and I'm sure none of us would want to be on that scenario. Imagine, feeling the need to end your life because somebody screw you up. I keep asking, what have I done wrong, how could he hurt me so? Didn't I treat him right? Didn't I show him enough affection? Why, why, why? He got me asking too many questions that I can't find. How can someone you love so much hurt you that much? I never felt so low and he really got me feeling bad. (Heard the Never Ever song?).

I felt the need to search for answers. I need peace and to feel at ease, but then I realize no words or explanations can keep me sane, cheating and coldness is not to blame. I just have to accept that nothing is constant in this world. Things changes and so are people, their feelings and affections. That's the reality of life that we all must accept and we all must learn to live by.

People come in and out of our lives like a thief in the night. Some stay a week, some a year, some long enough to have an impact on us and then there's someone who'll stick with us, sort our baggage and carry our load and how we wish we have the power to keep them and let them stay with us forever.

I've been in misery for so long and will forever be but somehow I've managed to learn how to let go. Letting go doesn't mean giving up. It means accepting what's due and finding happiness in everything you do. It means letting someone go to find meaning in his existence but with the hope of him learning your importance and finding his way back to your arms. Am I desperate? No, I'm not. It's just  my way of protecting myself from getting hurt over and over again. I just have to put that smile on my face and pretend everything is fine even if it's not and even if it hurts a lot because that's the only way to save  my heart from breaking and myself from falling apart.

If you're reading this, God knows how much I love you and how much I've tried to accept everything. It's so hard when you know you have to do something but you can't do anything. I just have to wait and see, after all, what will be, will be. Just keep the faith. Everything will be all right. Still in agony but I'll be fine, don't worry.

Live your life to the fullest.
Don't be afraid to take chances.
Don't be bothered by difficulty
In love and life, nothing comes so easy.

Lazy and Apathetic

I'm working but I stop for a while. Why? I feel lazy again. Oh my, stop acting foolish. I can't afford to be lazy. A devotion to earning money leaves no room for idleness. I must stay busy and be productive. I must get the job done. I know what I'm supposed to do but the problem is, the driving force to do it is missing. The mind is willing but the body is weak. Oops, not that I'm feeling sick again. I just don't feel motivated. Well, I really don't know if motivation is the right term.

In every situation, be it a problem or just something that needs my action, I always feel that I know what I'm supposed to do. I know what actions to take, what steps to make. Good for me, I'm Ms. Who Knows Everything but why is it I always end up not getting anything done. I'm not a lazy person, I'm sure of that, but is not being lazy enough.

Being industrious is not always the answer. You need to take the lead and you must be in charge. To accomplish something, you must know the way and you must go the way. It's not enough that you know what to do. It's equally important that you're actually doing it. It's like knowing what medicine to take but not taking it.

I start doing things enthusiastically but I always find it hard to sustain. I delay doing things for no reason...Procrastination? Why am I like that? I know my problem. I know the solution but why am I not doing it? Is something wrong with me? I know I'm not lazy and I'm not dumb either. Why, why, why I can't accomplish anything? Think...think...think. Ms. Who Knows Everything...Oh, I see.

LACK OF MOTIVATION. Yes, I lack the desire to take action and to pursue goal. There is a deficiency in me, an absence of desire, interest and driving force. But why? Maybe because I lack faith in my abilities, low self-esteem, fear of failure, being stressed or feeling useless. I know what I've mentioned are just excuses for not taking actions. I must learn how to disregard and overcome them, acknowledge and understand everything. I alone have the power to fire up my motivation and enthusiasm. I should not let anybody or anything dictates it. I must realize how much I lose by the absence of it and how much I'll gain by its presence in my life.

It's not enough to be industrious.
You also need to be ambitious.
Be motivated and always be curious
Think what's best, don't be impetuous

Ms. Who Knows Everything, you know what to do now.
Back to work.

Start of the week luck: KFC and LIBRE

Sunday, start of the week. Dapat happy para whole week happy. Nung student pa lang ako, ang alam kong start ng week is Monday, you know, start of school day, kaya start of the week rin. Sabi ko dapat happy. Meron nga bang happy moments. Ano nga bang ginawa ko kanina?

Woke up around 11AM. Brunch na. Sanay na ako sa ganyang gising. Feel ko lagi GY ako eh. Dati, nagigising ako sa amoy ng ulam na niluluto ng tita ko. Sunday kasi sa amin is considered family day. Lahat present. Walang pasok kaya my tita make it a point na magluto ng food for lunch. Kanina, wala. Hindi siya nagluto. Akala ko walang food. He he he! Pwede ba yon? Eh di nagwala kaming lahat sa gutom. Mayamaya pa, may gumising sa akin. Ate, kakain na. What? Kakain na? Bakit wala akong naamoy na niluto? Anong kakainin? Tumayo ako bigla, excited malaman kung ano yung kakainin namin na hindi ko naamoy. Guess what? KFC. Wow, yummy. To some, it may sound petty. Fast food? Chicken? Ano ba yon?

Well, sensya na ha. KFC lover ako eh. Makita ko palang yung chicken, brownies, hay, complete na araw ko. Ang babaw ko 'no pero totoo yon. Para sa akin, ang pinakamasarap na manok, KFC, hot and spicy. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang meron sa KFC, pero kuha nila ang lasang gusto ko. Syempre, lahat tayo may preferred na brand pero para sa akin, KFC lang.

This is the first time na nag-lunch kami ng ganyan. Tinamad lang ba tita ko magluto o talagang walang lulutuin? Whatever. Basta ang alam ko, I have a happy week ahead of me. Bakit? Ang daming magagandang nangyari. First, naayos na yung computer namin. Second, nakuha ko na yung sandals na pinagawa ko and maganda siya ha. Third paglipat ko ng TV palabas yung favorite movie kong "Wedding Singer" and lastly, kumakain ako ngayon ng fries, burger at Sundae. Hindi ko siya binili, libre. Imagine, nakaupo lang ako dito, nagta-type, bigla na lang lalapit pinsan ko, "Ate, papa-deliver ako ng Mcdo, ano gusto mo?" San ka pa? Swerte di ba? Nag-KFC ka na, may Mcdo ka pa. To some it may sound trivial but it's happiness for me. I'm easy to please. KFC and LIBRE, enough to make my day bright and happy.

KFC ang chicken ko, ano ang sa'yo?
Eh sa 'yon ang gusto ko, pakialam mo.
Natatawa ka, ang babaw ko.
Okay lang, yon ang totoo.
Lahat ng tao may weakness, iba't-iba ang gusto.
Sa akin KFC lang, chicken kong paborito.

Happiness is a Choice

Done with the my first entry. I'm now on my second post. Wondering what to discuss now. Since I'm still elated with my first entry, why not discuss about happiness. I'm thinking, am I really happy? Think....think....think.. Happy or not? Sad or Glad? Now I have a topic to discuss....Measuring Happiness.

Does a smile denotes happiness? Is a loud laugh a manifestation of gladness? When one dances or sings, does it mean being happy or something? What about tears of joy, does it implies that happiness is also crying. Well, it's a bit confusing but one thing for sure, happiness is not all about feelings.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness. To some, it's gaining something, achieving what they're dreaming and accomplishing what they're wishing. However, we all know that there is no end to craving, so is it right to say that happiness cannot be measured by what we gain? I think yes. Happiness does not come as a result of gaining what we want but rather recognizing and appreciating what we have. We don't need to gain fame, power or fortune. We need to acquire CONTENTMENT in order to be happy.

Some says that happiness is a state of mind. Being happy is all in the mind. Happiness is never stopping to think that you are happy. If you want to be happy, then be. I know it's really hard to think happy when you're down and sorry but be positive and always think that God created us not to suffer pain but to experience his love. It's just a matter of adopting positive thoughts and rejecting the negative. It's called being OPTIMISTIC.

I heard a loud laugh. People with sense of fun and who can laugh, are they happier? Does laughing implies a sense sound of  security? Well, maybe yes. When you're secured, there's no tendency for you to worry and so you can laugh all you want. I'm thinking now, sense of fun, the perfect word for that, think, think, think, oh I see, HUMOR.

Is it really hard to be happy when you have lots of things to worry? Life is difficult,  lots of problems, people are angry, there's poverty, irate beings, negative surroundings, bad influences, what else? We tend to track our misfortunes rather than count our luck. Why not add our blessings and see how much we have going for us, maybe then we'll realize how valuable we are. Smile now for we are blessed, be thankful and be happy. I called it GRATITUDE.

Can happiness be measured? How can we quantify happiness? I once asked my niece if she's happy with her toys and she said. "Yes but I'll be happier if I can have candies and ice cream." For a child, quantifying happiness is easy but for us, adults, we tend to complicate its measurement. Well, being happy is not a question of how happy we are. It's about feeling happy even if you are not.

Being happy is  all in the mind,  influenced by our attitude. We need HUMOR to inject a sense of security within ourselves. When we are secured, we developed CONTENTMENT. Satisfied people knows how to show GRATITUDE to others and if you are thankful, you are OPTIMISTIC about life.

Definitely,  we can't quantify the amount of happiness we have within but for sure we can be happy even if we feel we are not. After all, happiness is all in the mind. I'm not happy but I know I can be and I must be.

Laugh out loud even if you feel like crying.
Be satisfied with what you have, don't crave for something.
Forget your burdens and count your blessings.
Be thankful for what you have 'cause you're made out of nothing.

Ano nga ba ang Blog?

To blog or not to blog, that is the question.
Whether it's noble for mind to suffer
Thinking whether to post now or never
Or what to share and not share to whoever

But beyond this doubt about blogging
My mind is also contemplating 
On the joy and contentment it may bring
To my life that is somehow boring.

Paano nga ba ito ginagawa? Kasing simple lang ba ito ng diary? Para rin ba itong essay writing? Para lang ba itong story telling? Well, ito yung pinaka-simpleng meaning ng blog na nakuha ko sa Google:

"A blog originally was a personal website meant to be like a diary or journal. If you are familiar with Facebook or MySpace, these sites and their user pages are a derivative of blogs. The word blog is the shortened version of the word weblog. A person would usually create a blog as a hobby to share their information and experience on a particular subject. The blogs are designed to be very easy to add new entries to, so the information on blogs is updated much more frequently than a traditional site. As the blogger adds entries to the blog, the viewers can add comments to the entries, so the blog becomes an interactive site. If the blogger is interesting it does not take long for that blog to create quite a following."


High tech version pala ng diary ang blog. High tech kasi hindi ka susulat sa papel at hindi ka gagamit ng panulat. High tech kasi computer at internet ang involve. Wow, exciting. You'll not just have the chance to tell your story but eventually create a following as well. Super like ko yung concept or idea na you'll be able to express your feelings at marami ang makakabasa. Can't wait to start my first post. Oh wait, I'm doing it  na nga. I'm actually doing the blogging thing.


I have lots of stories, views, and opinions to share but for now, I'll settle with my thoughts on bloggin, sharing how happy I am to be a part of the high tech world of making a diary entry. Ha ha ha, yeah, blog is like making a diary entry for me.  

Have you read my blog?
Have you seen my blog?
What blog? Duh, sounds like log.


Oh sorry my dear.
I forgot you can't adhere
To something you have fear.


Fear of what?
The blog thing, this and that?
I'm only afraid of rat.


And you know what, my dear.
I'm actually starting my blog here.
I hope now everything is clear.


I may not be techy
Nor internet savvy
but definitely in writing I'm not a newbie. 


Whew. Done with my first post. Am I happy? Definitely. Super, dooper happy. Bye for now. Okie Dockie!!!